Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i will never coherently bang her
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize