Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
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She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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