Your face is a jimmy john
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
