everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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