If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
