happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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