thus making me awesome and them whores
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
