just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
