So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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