I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
