I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
