I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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