are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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