he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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