You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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