i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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