Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
