the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
