you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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