we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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