he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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