I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
