upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
