I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
