i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
