You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Can Purell be used as lube?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
