I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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