Quick, to the slutcave!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
