Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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