I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
