Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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