I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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