Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
