My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
