Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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