Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
