Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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