remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
