we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
