Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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