whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
