I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
