____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
