If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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