3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
