First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize