He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
