get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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