No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
