Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize