gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
