you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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