Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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