I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
