LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
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I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
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He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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