He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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