Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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