So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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